Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Cost of Being Social

Lately I've been thinking about social interaction in purely economical terms. Why have I been doing this? You're telling me you've been doing better things with your time?

So if someone is being difficult, not corresponding to the rules of social fair play as I understand them, then they are asking me to pay their rent. Now I have to put more money on the table because they don't have enough bread in their account to afford being an adult about this thing and taking the proper amount of responsibility. They don't care that it's costing me money to store their trash-heap of a car, as it were.

Now I'm sitting here racking my brain to stretch out another economic metaphor. I guess the whole rent thing is really as far as I got with this thought experiment. Let's see, trying to understand someone's broken English could be buying foreign currency--but that would always have to be a losing proposition (because trying to understand ESL people is always difficult), and as I understand it, it isn't. Thinking about the trade deficit and its relation to GDP as a gross aggregate of cost per person in the lower 48 is talking to lawyers.

Balancing the budget is trying to make a room full of whores all happy and not mad at each other--and honestly I don't have to do that too often, so I don't even know why I'm going there.

Lying is price gouging. And tax. Tax is also when someone is being intentionally difficult in order to sluff their work off on you. Charitable giving is when attractive women pretend to enjoy speaking with you. Attractive women will enjoy you more if you slip a few bills in their purse (hopefully you're able to follow me at this point). Having someone unload on you because they just stubbed their toe is being robbed at knife-point. If they just blew their life savings at the craps table, it's gun-point.

I've gotta go, some guy is trying to get me to buy his car at fair market value with foreign currency as he screams in my ear about socialism.

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