Poem #19

What would I do now,
now that I've lived a little down this road?
The childish plays at depth and meaning have lessened.
The winding path of time has straightened.

What would I do now,
now that I know I can't earn it,
I can't force it, I can't, by dint of effort,
achieve whatever I want, as if I'm in a vacuum,
as if I am a self-sustaining force unto myself.

What would I do now,
now that the paint's chipping,
the sheen is gone;
the virginal assumptions decimated.

What I would do now,
now that I have to acknowledge the limits,
defer to the chaos, whither in the insuperable strength--
befriend the fear, bow my head,
and edge forward on my knees.