Thursday, June 2, 2011

Burning Plane Theory

When I was young there was one argument that I never got tired of making. I used to argue that if you were in a plane that was going down, there was only one way to insure survival. You need to stand at the door of the plane. As it's going down you're readying yourself to jump. As soon as the plane gets 10 to 15 feet from the ground you jump straight up into the air with all of your might. Your positive force going up will break the downward trajectory of the plane, and you'll simply fall to the ground, as if you fell from the roof of a shed. At this time it's important to begin to roll away from the crash site. You should tuck your arms and roll about 100 to 150 yards away to avoid any major debrie or other bodies falling on you.

 

This argument used to unfuriate people. They would insist vehemenently that I was wrong, that there was no way that would work. I assured them that with the right amount of intestinal fortitude and gumption, it could be done.

 

And I was right. In the intervening years science has proved that I was right; the advent of modern physics and string theory have more than exonorated my theory. I think people were upset that they didn't think of this themselves. Here I was, a boy of 9, and my way of thinking was so far advanced beyond my peers and even their parents—I think I would hate me and my intellect too.
 

I only bring it up because I wanted to remind you why you're reading me: Because I'm smarter than all the other competition out there, and you need me if you're going to consider yourself informed in this world.

5 comments:

Jenée Elizabeth said...

I really think you should put this on your resumé. Please.

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