Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Finally, a Hero

My intellect frequently produces such blazing feats of insight that there are certain people who must remain out of any tri-county area I may be in so they are not stricken with a spontaneous nosebleed.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed, so I am not responsible if the following discovery causes you harm:

It's the most popular book of all time, and yet I don't recall ever reading a review of it. I'm speaking of course of God's very word, The Holy Bible. It is nothing short of a miscarriage of justice that you and I (tax paying Americans no less!) have been deprived of such a necessity.

You've been failed by The New York Review of Books, the stuffy writers of the world (there is no other kind), and your very government as well.

All this to announce that I shall right the wrong. Is it dangerous to critique and prod the very written words of the Author of the Universe? Of course it is. But all before me have been too timid, too cowardly, and it has been lain upon my shoulders to fix (on account of the insightfulness what I was telling you about). I shall be incisive; if I feel the prose is lagging in areas, I will let you know. If I feel it's preachy, or rambling in spots, I will let you know.

It's the Lord God Almighty's handiwork, a thousands of years old supernaturally produced document, it needs a reviewer equal to the task--you're welcome, friends.

Editor's Note: Jason DesLongchamp has never written a  book review and has never been formally published, his forthcoming review of The Bible will be his first.

~Sent From My Cool Phone