Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Blogging from the Grocery Line

I really am unbelievably spoiled.

But that knowledge isn't helping it be any different.

I'm standing here throwing my quiet little raging fit b/c I have to STAND IN LINE, & you know what really pisses me off?

Oh, gotta go pay,it

Three days later:

What I was going to say was "Oh, gotta go pay now, you know, standing in line really never takes as much time as you think it will."

You see that the humor flows from the fact that I thought I was going to have to be there FOREVER, so much time, in fact, that I could write an entire blog, and then after I've barely tapped out a few words, BANG, it's all over and I have to pay, how ironic?!

The "pisses me off" was also a comedy vehicle: I wasn't pissed about anything (other than standing in line), again, it's funny that I'm so pissed off and don't even have time to explain myself. It's funny, laugh!

I want to personally thank A Me and my wife for inquiring further on this cryptic post.

~Sent From My Cool Phone

Friday, June 11, 2010

Feeling Conspired, Just Read a Good Book

You're so stupid you actually believed me! That was nothing but a clever play on words, you can't actually feel "conspired," if you were hip enough to read through the lines then you understand that I feel inspired.

Good books, good movies, good humans, they make me feel inspired. I assume this is a common human experience, but who knows, I could be assuming in vain. Also it's not entirely true, that thing I just said: sometimes excellent stories and tales and yarns make me feel deflated. They puncture with the blaring message that you'll never tell as good of a story as that, you'll never be that clever or insightful, NEVER.

But right now I'm having the good kind of reaction to an excellent book, and so I want to sing to you with much verve and joy the unending praises of,

THE READER'S MANIFESTO: AN ATTACK ON THE GROWING PRETENTIOUSNESS IN AMERICAN LITERARY PROSE!!!! (all caps and multiple happy exclamation points added by myself!)

Reader's Manifesto cover.jpg

This book has the potential to single-handedly restore the average American's belief that maybe they are not as dumb as they supposed they were.

The main thing that it has done for me is help answer one of the big questions that I have been asking myself lately: What is good writing? While of course it's a complicated question with complicated answers, one of those answers is, "Whatever it is it is NOT what the cultural elites insist in lockstep that it is." Therefore I can downgrade my inferiority quotient by at least an eighth, I think.

That's quite a gift, and it's only one of dozens that this wonderful little book will give you. Please buy four of them to hand out indiscriminately to friends and enemies.

p.s. It also reintroduced me to a hazy, distant friend--the word "frippery"--now that we've been reunited I'm sure we will have much fun together.

Monday, June 7, 2010

On The Frustrations of Blogging

What I learned last nite: You never, EVER, try to begin to articulate something thoughtful at just after 11 p.m. on a Sunday night.

If you try, this is where end up (I took this picture myself, by the way):