Saturday, May 1, 2010

WNTE Greatest Hits: A Worthiest of Pursuits

Many of you don't know this, but I had a blog on Myspace for two and a half years before I started We Need The Eggs (WNTE). For awhile now I've been wanting to transition some of the better blogs (many would argue those don't exist) over to WNTE. I certainly won't be moving all of them over as I was so scandalized by some that I started looking into the requirements for deportation of actual citizens. At any rate this is the first in an occasional posting of "Greatest Hits" from the Myspace blog:

I think it's a secret to no one that this country has fallen on hard times. Gas prices are up, stocks are down. Food prices are up and the dollar is down. People are driving less, eating out less, and trying to figure out how they're going to make it. Jess and I have actually committed to making a stew out of our biodegradable recyclables once a week.

It's gotten so bad that some might even feel like throwing in the towel: hence the reason for this potentially life saving blog. There is one frontier yet to be conquered in this world, and it could be the salvation for us all, of course I'm speaking of the prospect of alchemy. Alchemy is the long sought after ability to turn cheap matter, like straw or dirt, into gold or something equally valuable. Alchemy has been pursued for century upon century, but has never been achieved.

I know at this point you think I'm crazy and that this whole idea sounds nothing short of illogical and lunatic, but at least give me a fair hearing. Here is my bottom line: though alchemy may seem impossible, the payoff would be so great as to outweigh the seeming impossibility of the task. The benefit of taking straw, or wheat, or even your garbage and turning it into gold is so magnificent that it would be worthy of devoting your whole life to the pursuit.

That is the decision that I have made for myself. I am now in the research phase of my alchemy project. So far the only books I've been able to find on the subject were written by either witch doctors or hobbits, which, unfortunately, are a little less than academic. I've also looked into the only known instance of successful alchemy, which is referenced in the tale of Rumpelstiltskin. If you'll recall, Mr. Stiltskin was able to spin straw into gold, but the much ballyhooed story is woefully devoid of specifics. It turns out that the whole thing may have been made up in the first place—the Brothers Grimm sort of left it as an open question, we just don't know.

Imagine money as easy to come by as the trash that you carry out to your dumpster everyday. Imagine the complete financial freedom that a house full of gold could bring you. it is thoughts like those that keep me trudging along on this journey when the goal can seem hopeless. If you'd like to invest in this initial R & D (research and development) process, I would be very excited to sit down with you and push some numbers around. I am asking for a very high initial investment (email me if you'd like an exact figure), but that is because the payoff is beyond compare to any initial shekels we might need to get the ball rolling on this thing.

1 comment:

Jessica DesLongchamp said...

I don't know if you can hear me from across the apartment... but I laughed all the way through that. You funny man you. :)