Saturday, May 29, 2010

American Politics are Stranger Than Fiction

Just yesterday I was trying to think of how best to write a fake news article about Democrats blaming the Bush administration for the BP oil fiasco. My angle was going to be, "Well, it's been working for us so far, so at this point we've just decided to keep doing it until the wheels fall off of this wagon."

But in the end I decided that it was too unbelievable, too silly, and I junked it. Boy was I wrong:

Friday, May 28, 2010

Losties Only: Help Me Understand!

I don't mean the WHOLE thing--good lord, that will take a lot of time and, hopefully, I will have a blog out soon giving you my take on what they did and didn't do and should have done and so on and so forth. But there is one glaring loose end/problem that is screaming in my mind and I need to know if someone has the answer:

We know that the plane (Ajira something or other), was wired with explosives. Widmore tells us this in the penultimate episode, and we also see MIB/Smoke monster/Un-Lock/Esau walk onto the plane and see all the wiring for the explosives.

So with this all being the case, my question is WHAT THE HELL??

And the thing is that I've been reading and listening to A LOT OF thoughts and opinions since Sunday and NO ONE has addressed this GIANT PLOT HOLE. In fact it's so glaring to me that I'm worried I must have missed something, which is why I'm asking you: Did we find out that a) it was somehow a fake and it wasn't actually wired to explode, or b) did they somehow address disarming the explosives?

If I'm right about this then every writer for Lost needs to be booted from the Screen Writer's Guild and then sumarily deported (which is more for their safety than anything because, if not, I'm Coming After Them).

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Things That Make Parents Eternally Mad

I submit for you exhibit A as catalyst for my rage:

A 15% off coupon from that excludes, of all things, DIAPERS!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Nerd Post: Artistic Intent and Assorted Intricacies

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this publicly during any of my appearances (and by "publicly" and "appearances" I mean the places I go, like work and church and, occasionally, a bar), so I don't know how many of you know about this, but I am a HUGE Postal Service fan. The best part of their one album, besides the obligatory "I like the way their songs sound," is their consistently interesting/compelling lyrics.

There is this one song, "Clark Gable," that I have always found haunting and addictive in particular. I've listened to it dozens of times, and every time it gets me thinking about what the lyricist is trying to say. I don't know about you, but for me that isn't all too common. But in the lyrics to this song I see a calm desperation and striving for something the lyricist somehow understands to be impossible and yet must be extant. The specific lyrics I'm thinking of are part of the chorus:

"I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real/ and I want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd/"

What I really, really want to know is whether or not Ben Gibbard (who I assume wrote the song but have been unable to confirm) knew that what he is absurdly longing for is the very exact thing that Jesus promised to his followers? Now I'm not being silly here, I am only mentioning a verifiable fact that the Bible records Jesus saying: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me," and "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly," and finally in first John we read "God is love." Now, these are the claims of Christianity, I'm not even asking that you believe they are true; I am only pointing out that the very thing that Christ claims is the very thing that Gibbard says he is absurdly thirsting for. All I want to know is, did he know he was asking for the things that Jesus promised?

I have to assume the answer is no. But at the same time you have to admit it's quite a coincidence, that he would use the exact same words as Jesus would to describe exactly what he wants from life. From the minimal research I was able to do, I found this quote on religion from Mr. Gibbard: "[I am] this indoctrinated Catholic even though I haven't been to church of my own volition in 10 or 15 years now." So there is at least a chance that he was aware of the connection. Of course Jesus couldn't be the thing he is desperate for. In his sub-culture Jesus represents the religion of bigots, homophobes and nuts; anti-fun people who are the opposite of the words "life" and "vitality." Yes, I sigh, and I understand it's the brush we've been painted with, and sometimes it's us (meaning the church) doing the painting. A full-throated refutation of that straight jacket caricature is in order, but, alas, it's for another day.

That's all I've got; just wanted to make that observation in a public kind of way. My only question is: Is that at all interesting? Or is it quite boring, a non-starter, vapid and reaching? I like to think it's the former, but I'm biased so my vote doesn't count.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Reviewed: Brothers

Wow. Well, the main thing that I need to tell you is that this film, like many, was so under-served by its preview that it makes me want to weep. Hollywood lost my $48.50 with its suggestion of "George Bush's war" turning the poor saps who were duped into serving the cause into absolute psychopaths. Instead I only had to pay 1/48 of the price thanks to Redbox.

It's worth a watch as the script really cares about and loves each of its characters and isn't out to titillate and shock (again I have to emphasize that I swear to God that's the opposite of what the preview suggested). I rarely use the phrase "gripping," but I do feel that it is apt for many of the scenes in the film. It's a refreshingly unbiased look at war, and life after war, and avoids so many Hollywood cliches that I would give it an Oscar, even if it didn't deserve it, just out of spite. Really quickly, I'll just mention some of the cliches it avoids: "War Vet: broken and eternally unfixable," "U.S. war machine doesn't care about its troupes and much less so the brown people they've been sent to destroy," "Free spirit character always knows best in the end," "You know the bad people because they have No Redeeming Qualities Whatsoever and could never be capable of such."

And now a word about Tobey Maguire: Normally unlikable, without range, not compelling, no future, don't know why he's in motion pictures: but I am temporarily willing to suspend those heartfelt critiques because he does do a good job in this film.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

WNTE Greatest Hits: A Worthiest of Pursuits

Many of you don't know this, but I had a blog on Myspace for two and a half years before I started We Need The Eggs (WNTE). For awhile now I've been wanting to transition some of the better blogs (many would argue those don't exist) over to WNTE. I certainly won't be moving all of them over as I was so scandalized by some that I started looking into the requirements for deportation of actual citizens. At any rate this is the first in an occasional posting of "Greatest Hits" from the Myspace blog:

I think it's a secret to no one that this country has fallen on hard times. Gas prices are up, stocks are down. Food prices are up and the dollar is down. People are driving less, eating out less, and trying to figure out how they're going to make it. Jess and I have actually committed to making a stew out of our biodegradable recyclables once a week.

It's gotten so bad that some might even feel like throwing in the towel: hence the reason for this potentially life saving blog. There is one frontier yet to be conquered in this world, and it could be the salvation for us all, of course I'm speaking of the prospect of alchemy. Alchemy is the long sought after ability to turn cheap matter, like straw or dirt, into gold or something equally valuable. Alchemy has been pursued for century upon century, but has never been achieved.

I know at this point you think I'm crazy and that this whole idea sounds nothing short of illogical and lunatic, but at least give me a fair hearing. Here is my bottom line: though alchemy may seem impossible, the payoff would be so great as to outweigh the seeming impossibility of the task. The benefit of taking straw, or wheat, or even your garbage and turning it into gold is so magnificent that it would be worthy of devoting your whole life to the pursuit.

That is the decision that I have made for myself. I am now in the research phase of my alchemy project. So far the only books I've been able to find on the subject were written by either witch doctors or hobbits, which, unfortunately, are a little less than academic. I've also looked into the only known instance of successful alchemy, which is referenced in the tale of Rumpelstiltskin. If you'll recall, Mr. Stiltskin was able to spin straw into gold, but the much ballyhooed story is woefully devoid of specifics. It turns out that the whole thing may have been made up in the first place—the Brothers Grimm sort of left it as an open question, we just don't know.

Imagine money as easy to come by as the trash that you carry out to your dumpster everyday. Imagine the complete financial freedom that a house full of gold could bring you. it is thoughts like those that keep me trudging along on this journey when the goal can seem hopeless. If you'd like to invest in this initial R & D (research and development) process, I would be very excited to sit down with you and push some numbers around. I am asking for a very high initial investment (email me if you'd like an exact figure), but that is because the payoff is beyond compare to any initial shekels we might need to get the ball rolling on this thing.