Saturday, February 21, 2009

Dispatches From the Edge: Now It's Getting Hard

Day 13:

All right, I've squeezed all of the fun that I can get out of this thing. The romantic rendezvous with unemployment is now officially over. I was able to smile and make fun of myself for almost two weeks.

Now I have to start thinking about giving up some things. The money is running out; unemployment doesn't pay nearly as well as I thought it would. After much weeping and tearing of assorted garments, I have assembled a list of things that I might be willing to give up:

1. Crab cakes for breakfast.

2. The maintenance on the champagne fountain we had installed last year. We'll keep the fountain, but the weekly maintenance package we bought runs about $250.00 a week, and it's hard to continue to justify that.

3. Private luge lessons. It was sort of a pain in the ass to fly to Whistler every other weekend anyway...

4. Vintage 8-track collection. I've been adding to it weekly and even recently rented a storage locker for them. I will at least slow down the purchases to a bi-weekly rate if not monthly.

5. Reverse eat-out regimen. Most people only go out to eat on the weekends. A long time ago my wife and I decided to eat out for our Sunday through Friday lunches and dinners so that we wouldn't have to fight it out with the commoners on Saturdays. But like I said, these are hard times, and it's a sacrifice that we're almost willing to make. As I said, this list is tentative.

Right before I went to publish this blog some blockhead asked me how it was that I was still going to pay for all of the things that I'm keeping in my life. I didn't really catch their meaning, but I realized they were saying they didn't think that I had the money to maintain the ice skating lessons, the membership to multiple country clubs, the 57 magazine subscriptions, the Starbucks barrista we have come in five times a week and so on. I just looked at him and kind of shuttered and then chuckled, in a good-natured kind of a way.

Credit cards, dummy.

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