Monday, December 29, 2008

Thoughts on 2008; A Retrospective: Remembrance of Things Past--Looking Forward to Looking Beyond: A Post-historical bi-annual anti-memoir

As I reflect upon this year I feel tired. It's not anything about the year that makes me feel this way, it is more owing to the large lunch I had before sitting down on my break to clack this missive out.

I learned so many intimate and important details about myself, my faith, and my country. Actually, I wish I had even more 2008 because there is so much more I'm sure I could learn, but what's done is done. I learned that I really, really can't stand the sound of chewing noises that anyone besides myself make. I used to hate the noises my little brother would make at the table, but I thought that was just because I was a jerk older brother so everything my kid-brother did had to annoy me. Turns out it's not true: the irritation I experience whilst the halfwit next to me chomps his Gold & Delicious has clearly worsened with age. You can tell because apparently now I am making intelligence judgements about the chewers around me. Though I know people cannot help the noises, I am still experiencing increasing irrational anger directed towards the offenders, and the feeling is portending towards an ominous 2009 for those eaters around me.

I also learned that I have a file with the CIA. But I've been asked in several anonymous (except for the call ID saying "US Govt"), late night phone calls to not say anything about it. Nuff said.

I learned that dreams do come true if there was a clairvoyant within the last five generations of your bloodline (thanks Hamzen Kefauveur!).

2008 was a year of transition and change. It was a year when some people said "ah, screw it," while others said "c'mon, lets do it." The die has been cast, we have made our 2008 decisions; if anything needs to be rectified before the year is officially set in stone you've only got two days, so get cracking.

I have some hopes for the year of our Lord, 2009: I hope all my favorite directors come out with new movies that please me. I hope I make large sums of money off of relatively little work. I hope everyone starts thinking just a little more like me. I hope Ipod's become dirt cheap. I hope the Pacific ocean is as blue as it is in my dreams.

Actually, nevermind about that last one. I forgot that one isn't mine, it was one of Morgan Freeman's hopes at the end of The Shawshank Redemption. Sorry.


Jessica DesLongchamp said...

As an "eater" around you I am coming to fear 2009.
That tired kitty sent me into hysterics.

JD said...

That's really funny because I thought of you when I picked that picture, no kidding.

Jessica DesLongchamp said...

Ohhhh! You know me so well. :]