Thursday, October 23, 2008

Vote McCain or Don't Vote

No, it isn't a joke, I mean it. If you're not voting for John McCain then I really rather you not vote. I'm not saying I'm going to do anything, I'm not necessarily saying that I'll do something to try and disrupt the process, but I haven't ruled that out, yet. I understand that this is not the greatest thing to say. I know this is a bit of a desperate measure, and on some levels I apologize for that.

Look, I'll acknowledge my bias right up front: I really want McCain to win this election. It's not personal, it's business. I don't think that he necessarily deserves to win, I don't think he's run that great of a campaign, nonetheless it is his kisser I'd like to be staring at for the next eight years rather than Obama's. And if it's all just the same to you anyway, or if you don't feel as passionate about is as I do, then please just sit home on election day. You might wonder, "Well, do I have as much passion as this guy does?" Let me ask you, have you written a blog urging people to not vote? So no, you don't have as much passion as I do.

It's tricky when you do something like this. Yes, absolutely, some of the sheep out there will listen to me and I will have helped out McCain at least a little. But then there are the other ones. A lot of people will want to be contrary, rebelious, and I could end up doing more harm than good. A measure like this might even drive more people to the polls because they feel this is an act of persecution. To those people I say this: That's so predictable. That's just so, so typical that you would have a reaction like that. But you should, you should go out and vote now, just to prove how mediocre and ridiculous you really are. Loser.

I'm now going to say a bunch of things that I don't believe, but if it helps, I guess it's worth a shot: Obama is a Muslim. Obama will codle our enemies and use the American flag for a bath towel. Barack Obama hates your guts and wishes that you would have to forclose on your house. Obama once thought about being gay, but then thought better of it and finished his meatball sandwhich. Obama doesn't just pal around with terrorists, he plays squash with them. If Barack Obama gets elected president every black person in this country will get a $100,000 raise, and any white person who complains will receive a 3.5% pay decrease for each infraction.

I've done all that I can do. Now I can only pray.

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