Monday, October 20, 2008

Nickelodeon Poll Tells the Real Truth

I have great news for all of my fellow conservatives out there, the race is much closer than you think. Here is the proof:

A Nickelodeon Presidential vote found that Obama won 51 to 49 over McCain. We're talking 2.3 million kids that voted!

Why Jason? Why is this such great news? Fine, I'll tell you: the traditional polls are telling us that Obama is up 5.2 percent, and that's at least. As in, he's at least up by that much, but probably more. And when the news, when the liberal media, when the pinko, commi media, when the guerrilla leftist barking dog media—sorry, I'm just kidding, I don't really mean all that. Anyway, so when the media do a poll they ask about 1,100 people who they are voting for.

But there is no greater indicator of what adults are thinking than what their children are thinking. Think about it, there is no possible way that a child can take a cold-eyed look at the issues and the candidates and then make a decision as to who they wish to support. They pick it up by osmosis. All of us become little versions of our parents until we begin to make our own way in the world, and even then the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Someone find me a 9-year-old that has serious disagreements with their parents on judicial activism and campaign finance reform and I'll show you a kid that needs to be put in a CIA lockbox and lets see how this raw talant can be exploited.

In the first grade I voted for Dukakis on the chalkboard. Yet my parents were voting for Bush. Do you know why I did that? Peer pressure, baby. I actually went home and appologized to my mom, I think I might have even cried. She understood, I mean, I didn't get any dinner that night, but I think she understood. Anyway, this is also good news. Not only do the the children tell us what the parents are thinking, peer pressure also causes kids to say a certain thing. And there is not one who likes to guilt and peer-pressure like a self-righteous liberal.

So if Nickelodeon, a poll of 2,000 times the normal amount of people, and peer pressure leaves us with a race of 51 to 49—according to my calculations McCain is sitting very pretty.