Saturday, October 11, 2008

A Few Things That Are Scary

In preparation for Halloween I thought I would share a few scary ideas:

Do you ever finish composing an email, say, maybe late one Friday nite? Sorry, I shouldn't have ended that sentence there, it isn't quite complete (I mean technically it's a complete sentence, but it isn't the idea exactly as I wanted it expressed).

To rephrase: Have you ever finished typing a heated, passionate email, stopped to review it, and then moved your mouse ever so slowly down to the delete button, because you would basically have died if you accidentally sent the thing? That happens to me fairly frequently. Combine that with the fact that I have definitely misfired a few emails from time to time, as in accidentally hit the send button, and it can all get pretty scary. I thank the God of my parents choice that these have never been socially sensitive emails, but I fear one day it will happen.

It's just a funny moment, when you realize your life would significantly shift if this email went out, and your senses heighten, and the only thing that matters in the whole world is that you calmly, deftly make sure you don't hit send.

You know how when you're walking down a hall, and then you see someone coming the other way, and you begin to prepare how you will make your pass? And you get it all lined up, but then they end up dodging the same way you do, and then again, and you're doing this very awkward shuffle and trying to chuckle it off while the pressure mounts for one of you to do something different. Well, all I wanted to say about that is that, theoretically, that can go on forever. It can. There is nothing stopping you both from each making the same decision over and over and over again. Now, it never does, but the Mariners never win the World Series, but that doesn't mean they can't.

Yesterday I got scared because I thought I had an affliction. To preface: rabies is a disease that gives you an uncontrollable desire to bite people. My friend got it once and I still have the scars to prove it (that's a lie, but it would be a good story if it were true). Well, yesterday I thought I had rabies, but not the form where you feel like biting people; I had this uncontrollable urge to push people over. I was walking through a restaurant, I saw a waiter, and I just wanted to put my hands on his chest and send him to the floor (thank God it wasn't a woman, I wouldn't want to have to explain that to God and man and my wife). Then I saw some people sitting at a table and I wanted to go push them over, too. But this would have been a bad idea for two reasons: a) they're in a sitting position so when I went to push them they would have just slumped to the side a little, which would have been anticlimactic in the worst possible way, and 3) this couple at the table were a different color than me and I did not want them thinking this was a racial thing BECAUSE IT WASN'T!, it's a disorder and it's not my fault. Luckily I apparently only received a mild form of this affliction, because I didn't actually go through with it, but I was scared.