Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Paragon of Cool

If I want to feel cool, and I mean like really cool, I have this foolproof trick. First, it helps if I’m in a fairly cool surrounding. It doesn’t have to be expressly awesome, but it adds to the overall high and that heady excitement if I’m downtown or in a mid-priced restaurant (average entrée >$13) I tend to get the best results.

Anyway, here’s the move: I’m walking normally, then I start to turn my head to the side, but as I’m turning my head to the side I pretend that everything is going into slow motion: I slow my walk down, I slow my turning neck down, I slow my eyeballs down. The high that I experience is exacerbated if I’m listening to a song that cooks on my Ipod, but if not I just play a song in my head and it achieves a similar if not tantamount effect.

When I do this I feel like I’m in a movie, a really cool movie, a hip movie, and for the briefest of moments my life becomes much better than it really is. Now if I was a smoker, and I could actually have a cigarette hanging from the corner of my mouth when I did this...lets just say I don’t think my wife would allow it—she might have been born at night but it wasn’t last night. The kind of swarm that I’d be looking at, the kind of chick swell that would result would be more than a normal man could sustain, and I’m not willing to take that chance.