Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Does Alcoholism Have To Be Bad?

I'm a believer in the band-aid being ripped off:

The charge that I am an alcoholic has been leveled at me several times by several different people in the last few weeks. These things should be kept confidential, so I don't to want name names or disclose circumstances—I will only say there were incidents, one at work, two at church and one at Chili's.

I will maintain until my death, whether it be imminent or distant, that I am a reasonable person. I know that I am not an alcoholic because I would be open-minded enough to see it, and man enough to admit it. But something else that I value are other people's opinions, especially bartenders and my wife. If people that I respect think that I have a problem, then I want to be open to that, though it be clear to me that they are wrong. Anyway, all that to say I've been thinking a lot about what people have said, and I can kind of see their points. That doesn't mean that they are right, but it does mean that I can see how they arrived at their conclusion.

Now that I've listened and considered others' version of the story, I want to present my own argument. I hope people have the courage to see it from my perspective because I think I have a legitimate point and I don't see how I can possibly be wrong:

When I drink, particularly when I drink a lot, things get really clear. People that I am normally ok with, I suddenly see them for who they really are. It's almost like a clarity tool that enables me to see the world for how it really is. I think that is indispensable for me; I feel like I need it in order to know if the people I'm with are friends or foes. Sometimes I'll be getting to know someone, but then I'll get drunk and think about them and I'll realize that they've been a complete phony the whole time I've been getting to know them. I feel like an absolute idiot when that happens! How much better would my life be if I could put my truth goggles on (i.e. a bottle and a half of single malt scotch) when I first meet someone and not have to waste my time with the formalities if the person is a waste of my time?

There are a lot of people that, when they get drunk, ugly things come out of them; they might fly into fits of rage, they might morph into an unmitigated racist, or they may not be able to control their urination. When I drink I get smarter. I argue better, I am able to tell it like it is, see people for who they are...I guess it's almost like a clairvoyance thing. Alcohol ups my game, much like learning or speed do for other people.

Obviously I've been blessed, not all people are lucky enough to have these kind of positive side effects from a six martini lunch. Now that you've seen my side of the story, do you see how my drinking is indispensable? If you think that sounds crazy I think you need to look inside yourself, locate the liar, and slit his or her throat.

Monday, June 2, 2008

A Cosmic Power Play

For millennia man has tried to gain the upper hand over God, but now it may have finally happened. I take a slightly different view on this doomsday atom smasher thing, and if I'm right, then it should make for a very interesting summer.

There is a strong possibility that once this atom smasher is ramped up it will create a black hole the likes of which this planet has never seen. You, I, as well as everyone else will be sucked into this black hole, therefore blotted out in oblivion, dark and smashed and dead. Ostensibly this seems quite selfish of the scientists—if there is a 98 percent chance that your experiment will cause planetary obliteration, don't you have some type of moral obligation to hold off until further research is conducted? Most would say yes, but I see what they're driving at.

If you take a cursory glance at the book of Revelation, you'll see that God needs more than 5 weeks (that is when the atom smasher starts) to accomplish all of the events that lead up to the end of time that are still yet to occur. This puts God in an interesting predicament: Will God bow to the will of man and intervene to preserve the plan that he has already set forth? It's a bit of a catch-22 for Him. If is obvious that this is not how God planned the end of this earth. There is no mention of an atom-smasher, or the historical equivalent, or any reference to a black hole of any sort found in the pages of Scripture. If he sits back and allows the black hole to win then His will will have been preempted by man. But, if he intervenes to preserve His will then He is allowing His creation to exert some sort of control over Him.

It is a tough moral quandary, and I don't envy the decision that the Lord has to make. When I think about it it's actually hard for me to imagine why it is that He has even let thing go this far, you know? It seems to be a bit confidence-shaking that He would even allow someone to create the possibility of causing this earth to disappear within a nanosecond. And if you needed any proof of that, Muslims are already claiming that Allah would never have let this happen if he had been the God of history's dominant religion.

That's an argument we can go around and around on all day long, but it seems God just shouldn't have let it go this far. Maybe I'm wrong, and I absolutely do believe that God works in mysterious ways, but this seems insurmountable.